i don't like sucking hair
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
