the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
