NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
