if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
