If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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