as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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