my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
