i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
