I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
