Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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