He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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