hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My hand turned me down
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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