I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
