Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
