being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
