I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
