It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
