You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
pray to the hookup gods
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
