I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
