Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
