I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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