What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
