Dude my mom stole all your condoms
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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