my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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