1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
