Moan for me like Helen Keller
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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