we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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