So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
