May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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