Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
