Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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