Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
