So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
