Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
