i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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