I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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