we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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