Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
