Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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