Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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