He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
