then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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