based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
