If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
being pregnant is like rehab
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
