Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
