I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
