You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
