i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
