don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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