Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
