I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
