help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
