Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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