final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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